John Lacey
will.blog.for.attention
Its been a while between blogs. Infact I kind of wonder if anyone will read this. But that’s okay…
[John realises it has been so long he's actually forgotten how to write one. Time passes.]
I went and saw the Divinyls on Friday night. (For the ill-informed, the Divinyls are an Australian rock band, best known for the track “Pleasure and Pain.”)
It was a strange, but enjoyable experience. Well, when I say “strange” I only mean in as much as I didn’t expect it would have me thinking as much as it did. Every other song seemed to take on me on a philosophical journey. “Make Out Alright” - a song I had always assumed was litle more than a make out (kissing) song seemed to actually be about manifestation; about thinking things into being; about “faking it until you’ve made it,” as SarryCrey might say.
I listened to “I Ain’t Gonna Eat Out My Heart Anymore” and felt a strange tingling sensation. It was a song I featured in a video some months earlier, where I eat my heart out (a chocolate covered icecream heart to be exact). At the time I was just trying to be brave. Someone politely said, “thanks, but no thanks,” and I was trying to feign a polite indifference. I’ve never felt the need to pretend to be brave like that before. Ever. But I was listening to this song and it seemed to me that more than anything it was about putting yourself first. Because if you don’t, then you’re just standing around waiting for somebody to do it for you, you know? And even when people fill that role, the minute something changes in the dynamic of the relationship… you’re back where you started.
The truth is my heart still hungers for one thing. Indeed, the same thing. When people talk about genies and three wishes, my brain goes, “But I only need one?!”
Maybe I will never appease that hunger. Maybe these feelings don’t dissipate. It need not take a rocket scientist to realise if I make my happiness dependent on things I cannot control I may be miserable my entire life. And I’ve done misery to death. It is so three years ago.
I just need to look after myself, visualise it, be nicer to myself… and maybe I’ll also make out alright.
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