Yes, Mr. Whitaker
I hear what you’re saying
Lincoln is a torment
and a tyrant
but I thought you knew what I meant
When I said,
“A person’s worth is not their weight in gold.”
Don’t you ever ever look beyond anything you’re told?

And if I’m such a redneck, what does that make you?
And if I’m such a redneck, what do you suggest that I do?
And if I’m such a hassle, why not just give me up?
If you don’t care about me
you shouldn’t give a fuck

And those eyes
they used to frighten me
But now I’m lost in a daze
And I’m taken away
And I can’t stand your expectations
I won’t handle another rejection
So I’m leaving, yeah I’m leaving
goodbye and good luck
You don’t care about me
you shouldn’t give a fuck.

Yes, Mr. Whitaker by johnlacey

Two thoughts occur to me listening to this some years later.

Firstly, the song sounds exactly how I imagined it should when I scribbled down the lyrics. I mean, of course I imagined it with some sort of piano underneath it. But the rhythm and melody is just as I hallucinated it as I wrote. [Music had always been something I struggled with. And for a long time I was obstensibly a 'poet' because I couldn't make sense of music at all. I didn't know how to translate what I was hearing into something I - or someone else - could perform.]

Secondly, my voice sounds pretty good. Infact my voice seems to sound better here on a $9 microphone than it does more recently with more sophisticated equipment now. I really think I want a new microphone. Ideally I would like a nice condenser microphone, but I am tied to this computer and it has a rather noisy computer fan. Maybe it was using ProTools (back when ProTools Free existed and ran on Windows 95), perhaps that had better effects than the Cubase I’m using now. Maybe my voice is growing older and not necessarily better. It is something to experiment with though.

But just for the hell of it…

This song means a lot to me. And I really like this recording of it too. Apparently other people don’t; it’s got a one star rating on YouTube. And ordinarily that kind of feedback would be enough to drive me back into my hole never to resurface… well, at least for another 6-12 months. But I’m filled with a uncharacteristic sense of pride for this little thing I’ve created. And I actually found myself in that moment being grateful that people seemed to hate it because actually in that moment I realised my love of the art of songwriting and the act of forming the chords with my fingers and the melody with my mouth… And that I’ve always done this, to a greater or lesser form, and I’m tired of feeling apologetic and I’m going to do it for the rest of my life.

This is a weird disjointed rant. It’s late and I’m tired. Thanks for humouring me.

Michael Jackson is dead. You probably already knew that. I never really thought of myself as being a big fan of his, I only own a single album and a couple of CD singles (mostly for the remixes). But the news filled me with such a profound sense of sadness. I heard someone suggest he was ‘our generation’s’ John Lennon. It is difficult of course; Lennon was gunned down, Jackson died of natural/medical causes as far as anyone knows pending the coroner’s report. But for me this is the first time I’ve really connected with a public figure who has died. I suddenly feel like I understand in some ways how people felt when Elvis died, or JFK, or Kurt Cobain or Jeff Buckley. I really admire the contributions of a lot of now deceased individuals but invariably I’ve discovered their works after they have died. This is new, this is strange. To me, at least.

And Twitter… oh, Twitter. Twitter, moreso than any other technology, embodies everything about humanity. It is us at our best and our worst, our most trivial, our most flippant, our most philosophical. Everything, really. So many people dismiss the service as a triviality but it doesn’t speak for itself, we speak via it. Just waking up and seeing the way these rumours of deaths (Farrah Fawcetts’, confirmed, and those of others besides Jackson that were all apaprently hoaxes) perpetuated the service was interesting. We know that we can’t blindly accept anything at face value, we need evidence. Half the world complains that journalistic interests don’t research their stories thoroughly enough, the other half complains that they take too long to report news, to be current. It is a balancing act, surely?

It seemed more and more certain that the rumours were true over time. And for me Twitter sort of embodies such a wide range of people that on any really topical issue you get the full spectrum of responses. A lot of flippancy and jokes about Jackson, people who were really passionate and distressed, people who weren’t really that interested at all.

I’ve been listening to Michael Jackson’s Blood On The Dance Floor album all day. I’ve really enjoyed it since the day I first heard it, but only actually bought a copy of it earlier this year. Some part of my psyche was searching for changed meanings in songs – perhaps Ghosts would take on a different significance for example. But, no, that song isn’t really about ghosts, it’s about jealousy. I am just impressed by the musicality of the songs, and also the raft of social issues present in the selections.

Jackson was 50. That Motown Records is also celebrating their 50th year this year is not lost on me. Indeed lately I’ve been enjoying their Motown 50 podcast, and just a few weeks ago I was listening to one episode featuring the Jackson Five, themselves just children, talking about their musical inspirations and which Jackson was interested in which girl at school. And then somebody mentions that actually for African-Americans 50 is a fairly typical life expectancy age, and this saddens me and angers me, and like the song goes it does make me wanna scream. And I think about Jackson in a larger context of African-American singers singing for equality. I think about Nina Simone and Billie Holliday, and how I had studied their plight briefly at university and how I understood it intellectually at that time but how I didn’t understand it emotionally until I connected with that music, that work. That is the function of art – to make us feel. [But then I stop and realise that the plight of Aboriginals in this country is at least as bad, and that their life expectancy is disgusting low. And the whole thing levels me feeling bewildered and sad.]

I guess that is why he is so dearly missed, because he did make us feel. He made us dance. He made us think. He made us sing. He mastered the art of the music video, staging elaborate theatrical masterpieces to accompany the musical ones. I don’t really think I can say anything that hasn’t been said already, but I did want to say something.

And when I’m angry, I lash out.

I am confused. I don’t understand this ‘stuff.’ I used to write about it. It made me sad, it made me mad (and it had other apparently even more Dr. Seuss-esque consequences). It is like this huge barrier that separates us and I spend so much time pretending it doesn’t exist, the ‘elephant in the room’ as John Safran might say. I don’t understand how people reconcile any of it. And I much less care, for the most part. But its the parts that have implications for me that are difficult to ignore. I thought I could negotiate around it. I figured we didn’t have to agree on everything. Maybe it doesn’t work like that.

Writing. Morning Pages. A memoir, of sorts. 140 character brain explosions. There’s even a song or two in the pipes, remarkably enough. I really like writing. I particularly like writing blog entries. But lately I’ve loved playing the keyboard. Writing things for that instrument, improvising, playing along with songs. I appreciate how dynamic it is. How the piano presets can be both delicate and violently percussive within the same bar. I guess I’ve always played in a very percussive way. Playing is a form of stress relief. It doesn’t even really matter what notes I play, what chords form beneath my fingers… in most moments it is entirely about rhythms and dynamics. And if I am angry I can slam my hands against it, and it doesn’t care in the slightest. Indeed I think it appreciates the attention. (I’ve personified my Roland keyboard, thereby adding an disturbing ‘domestic violence’ vibe to the earlier description. Perhaps it is time to go to bed?)

Anyway I need to relax. And exercise. And sleep. And eat better.

If I don’t care about myself, nobody else will. Though most days I struggle to see the incentive of actually doing that.

II
I have an unfortunate tendency towards attaching myself to anyone who is nice and takes an interest in anything I do. I’m lonely, I confess. And it can be gratifying (and ego-building) when someone provides you with that much attention. But it also smacks of settling and desperation. There is a profound difference between finding comfort in whatever shows up and actively seeking out that which you desire. I just need a little more faith that I can achieve the latter.

III
I’ve been reading this great book lately by Les Edgerton, Finding Your Voice: How To Put Personality In Your Writing. It is refreshingly frank and I’ll probably write more about it on another site shortly. He writes about the importance of finding your voice rather than giving into the temptation to emulate other (more celebrated) authors. He talks about the inferiorty complex many unpublished authors have and the God-like status attributed to literary heroes by teachers and other authority figures. He writes about experts and rules; and this is the part that has captured my imagination. He suggests you try doing this or that – unless it isn’t you, then do your own thing. He tells you to “be yourself.” Though the thing people are always reluctant to admit is that nobody can tell you how to be yourself. Some things will work for you and some just won’t. As in all areas of life it all comes down to experimentation. Our ‘expert culture‘ has failed us again.

IV
I’ve never understood musical artists who play songs exactly as they sound on their albums. In my opinion a song is but a melody and a lyric. It can exist in infinite variations. Perhaps the best example of this notion is to take a look at jazz standards. Consider how differently the same song may be performed by an array of different artists. How differently Ella Fitzgerald’s Imagination is to Chet Baker’s. Or how little Dinah Washington’s Trouble In Mind resembles Nina Simone’s version. People criticise Madonna’s live performances, claiming that they barely recognise her classic pop tunes after they’ve been so wildly remixed and reinterpreted. But to me these new variations breathe new life into songs that have been bouncing around inside people’s heads for 20 years. That’s the power of the collaborative web too. People are going to see things in your work that you never saw, they’re going to superimpose and remix and juxtapose. There is a real art to this. Yet it is an art few people really understand just yet.

V
I’m updating my resume. And by “updating” I mean starting from scratch. I’ve never liked the formal nature of the resume and I’ve never really entertained it either. I want something that tells you something about me in a way that is refreshing and unique. If I send you this document I don’t want you to put it in the pile. I want you to take one look at it and go, “This is the guy!” Actually I don’t particularly care if I am “the guy” I just want to be memorable. I trust that you’ll know what you want in an applicant and be able to make that determination yourself. But I trust this document will showcase my talents and my genius.

Do your bit for the environment and be rewarded!
Green Energy Watch are giving away FREE Energy Saving Light Bulbs valued at $20. Australians Only.

Free MP3 Downloads from Triple J
Triple J is always a great place for free music. This week you can download selections from The Dandy Warhols, [is], Autumn Isles, Bluejuice and more!

Free Sam Sparro at The iTunes Store
The iTunes Store Free Single of the week download this week comes in the form of Sam Sparro’s Too Many Questions. Please note that you will need to have an iTunes account to download this file, however this is painless to create. (May only be available to users of the Australian iTunes store. This was something I was unable to get confirmation on.)

Snack On Barenaked Ladies’ 789
The Barenaked Ladies (the band, that is) have ventured off in a new direction. They’re making music for children. Though, we are told, it may also have some appeal for their older fans too. You can download “789″ here.

Rykodisc Celebrate 25 years with Free downloads
Rykodisc is celebrating 25th years by offering free downloads of material from their back catalogue. When I signed up (yesterday) I was offered a selection of: Cubanismo, Baka Beyond, Jimmy Bosch, Dr. Didg, and Choying Drolma with Steve Tibbetts. Requires registration.

Brad Paisley’s Letter To Me
Good Housekeeping are offering a free download of the latest single from US Country musician Brad Paisley, Letter To Me.

Free Music from Janis Ian
Janis Ian offers free downloads of many of her songs from various stages of her career, including previously unreleased material.

Free “Roots of Aussie Rock” CD
Become a friend of Roots of Aussie Rock and receive a free CD covering Aussie Rock music from 1956 to the mid 1960′s. Requires registration.

Aesop Rock – None Shall Pass
Download the catchy None Shall Pass from Aesop Rock’s MySpace page.

Free EP Download from Streets of Rage
Download FREE EP Boy Meets Girl: RECCESS from Streets of Rage.

Call Me When You Get This from Resdiscover
PureVolume.com are offering Rediscover’s Call Me When You Get This EP as a free download.

Stranded In Stereo Sampler
Sign up with Stranded In Stereo and receive a free CD sampler. US Residents only.

Newton Faulkner – To The Light (Acoustic)
Download an acoustic version of Newton Faulkner’s To The Light from Fox 101.9.

Augie March FREE EP
Download an exclusive four track EP The LA Sessions from the Augie March website. Requires registration.

John’s Suggestion It is a good idea to sign up for a free web-based email account to use for site registration to avoid having your primary email account being clogged up with non important correspondence. Considering getting an account at Hotmail, Yahoo or Gmail.

My local library has both books AND CDs available for borrowing. And the thing I’ve appreciated most is that this has given me an opportunity to “take a chance” on certain artists and genres of music I may not have otherwise tried if I had to pay for them upfront. This was where I got my Jazz education, for example. This is where I heard blues legends like Bessie Smith and Blind Lemon for the first time.

This was also how I heard the Sophie B. Hawkins album, ‘Whaler’ for the first time. Did hearing this album for free damage Sophie’s career? I don’t think so. I immediately went out and bought that album and her debut album. I subsequently spent hundreds of dollars (at least) buying CDs and Merchandise. I felt oddly compelled to own everything she had ever done, such was the connection I felt to her music and art. I bought singles, EPs, promotional discs, movie soundtracks she appeared on. When she decided to tour Australia in 2005 and 2006 it was truly a dream come true for me, and a friend and I basically followed her around the country for weeks at a time. (She went from being this idea in my head, to someone standing right beside me, joking, laughing and even sharing cold potato wedges with me. Write-ups of the 2005 shows are available on this blog, click on the tag Sophie B. Hawkins for more.)

The same can be said of Rickie Lee Jones, albeit it without the touring. I had seen Rickie’s name linked to Sophie’s in a number of reviews and picked up her “Pirates” album from the local library. The first time I heard it I absolutely hated it. I had never heard anything like it and found the experience jarring and confusing. But it had planted a seed in my subconscious mind, it had aroused my curiosity and by the end of the same week I found myself listening to it again. This time however I fell in love with it.

I suspect that the music industry has devoted too much time to the issue of music piracy. Why do I say this? Simply because the people who would steal your music will never be the people to buy it. They are not now your customers and they never will be. Whether they are sharing the songs on some sophisticated peer-to-peer program or doing something as crude as recording something off the radio or television, they will find a way; indeed most of them pride themselves on this ability.

I have some friends who are horrified when they learn I refuse to pirate software. One of my earliest passions in life was computer programming and I have a unique perspective on the time, effort, blood, sweat and tears that goes into that process. I guess it is also helped that there is such a wealth of quality Freeware. (Despite spending several hundred dollars on a piece of Corel Graphics software, for example, I still find myself reverting back to the free program GIMP.)

Rohan at the Fillet Skillet, who inspired this entry, recently compared the attitudes of the publishing industry to that of the music industry; well, I suppose, more specifically that of the recording industry. He suggested that authors are pleased when their books are read, even when they are not bought and instead borrowed from libraries. Whereas, he suggests, record companies become quite disgruntled when people enjoy their products without purchasing them.

I am sure any artist is delighted when someone immerses themselves in their work. Though while this knowledge might make the artist feel warm and fuzzy, I imagine it does nothing for the other people at the record company more concerned with the commercial prospects of the work. The lawyers, the A&R guys, the marketing department. The truth is there are many potential income streams available in the music industry though, for the most part, record companies have traditionally only been concerned with sales of recordings. Even Madonna, having recently honoured her contractual obligations with Warner Brothers, has signed up with “Live Nation” who will act as an “all-in-one” music publisher, record company, and concert promoter.

The truth is the old business model for record companies just doesn’t work any more. Prince gave his latest album away with a British Newspaper. Sir Paul McCartney was seen selling his recent efforts through Starbucks. Nine Inch Nails (and others) have given their music away as a free download. While Nine Inch Nails got considerable press for this effort, there was another musician who was doing it much earlier. Janis Ian may have ‘learnt the truth at seventeen’ when it came to romantic interaction, but she also had something of a epiphany more recently about the true benefit of freely available mp3 downloads. Her article The Internet Debacle: An Alternative View was quite shocking to many in ‘the industry.’ Certainly Ian doesn’t feel this move has impacted her badly:

My site (www.janisian.com) gets an average of 75,000 hits a year. Not bad for someone whose last hit record was in 1975.

For musicians their music is both their product and their promotion. I mean you wouldn’t expect to have the RIAA knocking down your door because you heard a song on the radio or saw a music video on television, would you? Although in the most basic sense you’re enjoying their music without paying for it!

It doesn’t help either that record companies are entirely speculative ventures that invest in artists they ‘hope’ will have sufficient ‘hits’ to firstly recoup the initial investment of recording expenses and secondly to create a return on that investment. Many a band/record company relationship has been soured when a band hasn’t fared as well, commercially, as anticipated, or where the band doesn’t feel their material is being promoted by the record company. Even the aforementioned Sophie B. Hawkins split recently from an unhappy arrangement with Sony Music/Columbia Records to start her own independent label, Trumpet Swan.

So perhaps Rohan is right; perhaps it is time for recording companies to think more like publishing companies. I think, though, that they might need to completely rethink their mode of operation.

The good news for musicians though is that there has never been a better time to be independent! Recording equipment has never been more affordable. The internet has completely opened the channels of communication between artists and fans, and technologies like iTunes have cut out the need for those record company ‘middlemen’ entirely.