I am currently looking for some sort of employment in the local area. A few interviews made me realise I didn’t have much to wear. Especially things that are both presentable in a work setting and suited to the unseasonably warm weather we’ve been experiencing lately. Though the one thing that I’ve noticed is that local clothing stores bring in their winter clothing (and phase out their summer clothing) well in advance of the anticipated cold snap. I was so convinced that I wouldn’t be able to find any short-sleeved shirts that I settled for some long-sleeved shirts of a thinner cooler material. But then later that same day I happened upon some short-sleeved shirts that fit me, that actually complemented my (fairly uninspiring) body type and were reduced to $12 each. It was some sort of miracle!

When I think back to shopping expeditions as a kid I remember feeling really constrained by the fashion trends and the stock available in local shops. It seemed each year one or two notable trends was in vogue and that basically dictated what you could and could not purchase. (This was particularly aggravating the year Hawaiian floral patterns made a comeback.) I remember wanting plain clothes, solid colours – black and blue predominantly. I didn’t want to wear brand names. It didn’t matter if they were prestigious ones or not, I always felt like if I wasn’t being paid I didn’t want to be some corporation’s walking talking billboard.

In an odd way I didn’t want to fit in or stand out, rather I wanted to fade into the background of everything. I’m not sure what it was about solid black and blue tshirts (for example) that made me think they were suitable camouflage for suburbia, but I am pretty sure I did think that.

I started putting away my new purchases. I don’t give my wardrobe a lot of consideration, but in that moment I was struck by how different times in my life could be characterised by the clothes within that wardrobe. There was the ‘black and blue’ moments of my teenage years. There were the ‘winter at my former workplace’ clothes – long heavy garments, as if I was going on vacation to the snow (it never snowed there, but somehow it often felt like it could have).

There was that time when my social circle extended to include people younger than myself. They had a fun almost flippant attitude to fashion and they did much at the time to help me take myself less seriously. A studded belt made it’s way into my wardrobe (though it never did actually fit me) and those pair of Dunlop Volleys with the checkered patten. My “emo” shoes. At one point I made a silly video to Kate Bush’s Hounds Of Love and as she sung “Take my shoes off and throw them in the lake and I’ll be two steps on the water” I threw the shoes out of the video frame.

There was the thick heavy faux leather jacket I bought in Canberra the first time I saw my idol Sophie B. Hawkins tour Australia. It was so cold that I put it on as soon as I got out of the shop. When I returned to my friend’s accommodation on the university campus and she saw I was wearing it with the tags still on it, she wondered if I had actually paid for it. (I had.) And there was another jacket, this one real leather, ridiculously expensive, but somehow I knew I had to have it. I was amazed that it fit to be honest. And you loved that jacket, and I loved you, and – unfortunately – you did not love me. And it’s strange how just looking at that article of clothing can bring all that back in a moment.

So… clothing is still a strange thing. Even now.

I recently mused over the word play of a local church sign. The puns were so cringeworthingly awful that I couldn’t help but laugh. “The Best Vitamin For A Christian is B1,” it exclaimed. And during another week, “Give the devil an inch and he’ll become a ruler.”

Today’s message me wonder. It read:

Silence is often misinterpreted but it is never misquoted.

[ad#adsense250]The links between the other messages and Christianity seemed obvious. This one had me slightly baffled. You can never misquote Jesus’ silence? Something about the church’s response to systematic sexual abuse within the clergy? Perhaps the local Presbyterian church reached a conclusion similar to that of my friend Daniel. He ultimately decided that God answered prayers in the same way a piece of cheese did. Of course I’m being silly. God answers all prayers it is just that sometimes the answer is no… or [the sound of crickets chirping]

One group of people who will not go quietly however are New South Wales HSC students. Religion students are crying foul at one of questions that appeared on their final exam, which apparently baffled many students and reduced some to tears.

The thing that interested me though was the subject matter of the offending question. According to ABC News online:

She [McAuley Catholic College student Lauren Priest] says the question began with a quote and then asked students to assess, in relation to the quote, how Christianity is a living religious tradition in the life of its adherents.

Call me a conspiracy theorist if you must, but has the Department of Education done a deal with the Bible Society? It seems interesting that such a question should coincide with the Bible Society’s “Jesus: All About Life” campaign.

I don’t know what this quote was, or who was quoted. I’m not even familiar with the curriculum for this subject. But, wow, if students at a Catholic College can’t make a case for Christianity as a living religious tradition… that’s kind of “interesting” – don’t you think?

Happy Sunday!

Can you create your life? How much do you control your lifestyle and how much of it just ‘happens’ to you?

I guess I believe you can because I know people who lead amazingly interesting and rewarding lives. (I confess I frequently watch Sunday Arts with envy because it always showcases talented artists who are doing what they love and somehow deriving success and income from that…)

I know I’ve written about this in religious terms before (predestination versus free will), but I wanted to think about it more practically. I pulled out my notebook and wondered if I could have my life the way I wanted, what would that look like?

I identified the following desires:

• The desire to be creative. There are things I want to do and other things I want to do more frequently. And I want to learn, I want to study… I want supportive teachers and mentors.
• The desire to be social. I’m lonely. I think my trip to Brisbane made me appreciate just how lonely. I am connected with the world and I can have great conversations and exchange ideas with lots of people at any hour of the day or night, but I still have no one here I can grab a cup of coffee with.
• The desire for independence and freedom and distance. I don’t feel like I can be myself here. I am too busy fulfilling roles within different contexts.
• The desire of companionship. This differs from the social desire mentioned earlier in the sense that here I am referring an intimate companion, a lover, a partner…

There were a lot of other things on the notebook page too about scheduling (my Sunday afternoon coffee ritual, for example) and specific things I want (video camera, my own apartment).

I guess the next step is building towards those things… somehow.

Meaning…

• Sesame Street Podcast
• Money, Mission and Meaning: Passion at Work, Purpose at Play
• “The Hunger for Depth and Meaning” Talks on Christian Meditation
• Compass (ABC TV)
• The Meaning of Life… dougnuts
• Don’t Waste Your Life (Desiring God)
• Inside CNET Labs
• CAG Foreplay
• APM: Speaking of Faith with Krista Tippett
• Meaning of Words on The Moncriesff Show on Newstalk 106-108 FM
• Living Dialogues: Thought-Leaders in Transforming Ourselves…
• Purpose-Centered Life: A Plan for Authentic Living
• Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day
• Prayer at Rumayla: A Novel of the Gulf War
• Mysticism, Meaning and Life: Classic Sinai Podcast (Judaism)
• Inner Perspectives: Guideposts for the Spiritual Journey
• Free Talk Live (News & Politics)
• whollyscrap’s Podcast (TV & Film)
• Birth Download (Health)
• The Secret Beyond “The Law of Attraction”
• Shaman Drums, The Rhythm and Sound of Healing
• Afternoon Thoughts from IamACIM.com (A Course In Miracles)
• Tajweedpodcast’s Podcast (Islam)
• The New Man: Beyond The Macho Jerk
• The Meeting House Videocast (Christianity)
• A Course in Miracles (ACIM) – Truly ‘Extreme’ Spirituality
• Jabez: Conceived in Pain, Delivery in Victory (Literature)

The first page of podcast search results in the iTunes directory for the word ‘meaning.’ I guess best summarised as below.

• Literary/linguistic/educational/scientific meaning;
• Religious/spiritual/metaphysical/self-help/self-improvement ‘meaning’;

In short, the meanings we derive from things in our environment and the meanings we attribute to ourselves. And I suppose if I am being honest it is the latter that prompted the search in the first place. I’m sure you’re about as sick of hearing me bang on about this in this humble blog as I am sick of hitting my head against the table or the writing the wall. One of those… I forget which.

I guess what I’ve been wondering lately is… why do I even care? If this is all there is (and there’s a good chance it is), why should that bother me? If anything it is practically permission to go out and be completely hedonistic. Why not ‘live it up’ while we are indeed alive? I haven’t even studied philosophy at university, I don’t even have the academia to back up this kind of existential angst. Though perhaps therein lies the folly. Perhaps had I bothered studying philosophy I would have some sort of framework with which to hold these nagging feelings at bay.

Okay, fine. I admit it. I’ve been really depressed lately. Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything you touch basically turns to crap? (Where deadlines for things that seemed important to you disappear without a trace. Days where you stare at a blank page or a blank screen and words don’t come. Days where you feel so self-conscious you don’t want to leave your house. Days where… oh, you get the idea.)

Even today as I vented some frustrations to a friend I was a little taken back by their response. It was something to the effect of: “Get a dayjob. Job satisfaction isn’t for everybody.” When what I really wanted to hear was, “Don’t be silly, of course you can do it. Now, go – do it!”

I decided to ask Twitter for reasons that life was worth living. The results are as below.

• Achieving things, good food, relationships with people
  @joshuawithers
• Knowing @Richard1994
  @Richard1994
• Too many adventures to be had! Places to see, people to meet, flavours to savour!
  @brojoghost
• Air. Air is free. That makes it worth it.
  @MiddleClassGirl
• Tim Tams
  @strictly
• Bacon
  @Bronzethumb
• Because there are kind people out there who return twitter handles
  @ZebraBites
• Sometimes people you barely know give you really delicious cookies. Totally makes life worth living.
  @glittertash
• Twitter. That is my reason…
  @TeeMonster
• I’ll second @TeeMonster. The number of times Twitter has single-handedly saved my day from utter craptasticness, it’s boggling.
  @BronzeThumb
• Remember Martika makes life worth living.
  @Lilylauren
• Ummm…. because you get to eat chocolate?
  @aliciamalone

Can you think of any others?