Just a quick note to let you know that the JOJCAST is back. The first interview for Season Two is with ObviouslyBenHughes. Here’s a sample…

You can listen to this episode in full, or download it, here.
Or subscribe to the JOJCAST via iTunes.

I recently found myself delving into the JohnOfJordan archives for a video project. And the final project was seriously removed from my initial vision. I wanted to put together a package of emotional moments in my life (captured for the benefit of YouTube) and underscore it with an original composition. I started going through the webcam footage looking for a key piece for this project. There were literally hundreds of video files in this particular folder, all with incredibly useful filenames like Video 103. What this meant was I had to go through each and every file until I reached the ones I required.

So I was going through these videos, one by one down the list and I was struck by a couple of things. I was struck by how differently I made videos today than I did when I started two years ago. Obviously the humble webcam (as lovely as it is) had some technical limitations compared to more sophisticated camera technology, but there were lots of little things that I never used to consider – things that, today, I often get quite hung up on. Like what I’m wearing, the angle of the camera, white balance, lighting. I don’t even try to record video at night these days, back then I would just experiment with a single desk lamp and hope for the best. I tinkered with colour and brightness and contrast controls to give not the most accurate representation of the scene I was recording, but just the most interesting one. I would hit the switch and hope for the best. Obviously there were lots of takes that never saw the light of day. There were things I had never used and may never use. But as I watched these videos I wondered if my creativity had suffered a terrible blow as my production values had improved.

I’ve always struggled to find my place in the sun on YouTube. The rhetoric is always the same wherever you go; find one thing you do well, mine the hell out of it and do it on a regular enough basis that an audience knows what they are getting and knows when they can get their next ‘hit.’ The truth is I get distracted very easily. What amuses me one day might bore me the next. People dust off the same advice when it comes to finding a job or a career or “your life’s purpose” too. Intellectually I understand our economies are founded on the premise of specialization and that specialists are in greater demand, but, frankly, the idea of doing one thing for the rest of my (working) life terrifies me. So, actually, I just have this vague desire to do things that are personally satisfying, I want to be appreciated for what I do and (if it isn’t too much to ask) I would like to derive some income from it too.

One of the computer programming adages that is permanently etched into my brain is: Don’t reinvent the wheel. But, actually, when you have no idea what you’re doing it can be remarkably tempting. When you don’t know what you want to do with your life but just want to be appreciated and “successful” the desire to just emulate other people who are appreciated and successful is significant. (And when Tony Robbins tells you to go out and emulate the most successful people in your field it seems oddly compelling.) But, frankly, the world doesn’t need another Michael Buckley or another Robofillet or another Sam Proof. We already have those.

I was listening to a presentation that John Gruber and Merlin Mann made recently. (I really like Merlin Mann incidentally. It is easy to get caught up in the machinations of being productive for productivity’s sake. Mann’s focus is much more about devoting the time and resources to building something that really matters to you. That resonates with me.)

John Gruber:

Our instincts I think serve us wrong and we call it like a “Lizard brain” thing. Our instincts tell us if you want to write something – I mean, and that is part of these assumptions that we’re making, that if you want to write – and we say ‘write’ because that’s what we do. But it could be photography, it could be a series of just making a short film a week, any kind of thing. But I mean obviously the whole reason that you’re publishing it is you do want to find a readership [...] you want to find an audience. [...] The mismatch is that our instincts tell us that if we want to find an audience you should try to make something that is like the things people are already enjoying.

That makes sense. But what does a person do until they figure who they are and what it is they are supposed to be doing? And how does a person figure that out anyway? I feel like I’m tinkering with a lot of different things, experimenting, hoping that something will ‘stick.’ But I can just as easily see myself tinkering until the day I die and being one of those people who puts the trite cliched notion “Jack of all trades, master of none” on their Twitter biographies.

In a funny way I think I’ve come full circle. I feel like I finally understand what Todd Henry means when he talks about “unnecessary creating.” In my haste to create a workflow, I’ve created a series of paths of least resistance. Shortcuts. Tried and tested techniques that give me a predictable result. Somehow, somewhere I stopped being an artist and started working in a factory producing a product. Somehow the need to experiment got replaced by the need to meet a deadline. And the whole process became more and more about the product and the feedback; I’d produce something, wait anxiously for comments from people and let those comments dictate (to some extent) future creation.

And those webcam takes… those hundreds of random, silly, nonsensical, profound webcam takes. That is unnecessary creating. I realise now that even in my most popular vlogs it was the improvised moments, the moments where the words coming out of my mouth surprised even me, that really reasonated with people. I need to find a way to reconnect with that.

On Friday I woke up early, had breakfast and then turned off all the distractions and worked at my laptop. I got an amazing amount of stuff done. I was really excited. I worked on planning and strategic things for one of my online projects and spent the afternoon researching custom dynamic WordPress ‘pages.’ The next day I realised I had missed a deadline for a video project for a friend. I decided instead of beating myself up about it, I’d use it as creative inspiration to make a video and promote my friend. It came together wonderfully. I used my Yamaha Audiogram 6 audio interface and microphone and recorded a voice over right into Sony Vegas Movie Studio. It was so easy and it sounded so much better than the horrible on-camera condenser microphone that I usually worked with. The details themselves aren’t that important. What is important is that I was achieving things and I had a renewed sense of accomplishment and confidence.

Oh I should probably tell you. I am also writing at my other blog. As far as I am concerned, this is my personal blog. I have another one which is obstensibly a professional blog at JohnLacey.com. I find myself writing lengthy, interesting email to the Internet Marketing Masterminds group I am a part of and I decided I would collect many of them and publish them there with other content about social media, content creation and creativity. I replied to a few emails and published one of them on that website and put another one in the drafts section of the blog.

I thought about writing a Sensational Sabbath column here on Sunday but ultimately gave up on the idea. Erratic sleeping patterns rendered me zombie-like for much of the day. Sunday Night Safran, even now three months into 2009, is still best of “reruns.” I wonder if Triple J haven’t sacked Father Bob and John Safran.

This morning the weekend was over and I could get back to serious productivity. Or so I thought. I couldn’t bring myself to shut down TweetDeck. For some reason I couldn’t form words intelligently enough to make the drafts public. All I wanted to do today was revise the notes I made on Friday and write some articles and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was full of energy but I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I sort of played Mario Brothers for much of the day and listened to random podcasts. (iProcrastinate, incidentally, is the name of an actual podcast. Turns out procrastination is a failure to self-regulate and can apparently be overcome with ‘mindfulness meditation.’ The true beauty of this podcast though is that while hosted by an actual Professor at a Canadian University it invariably starts with an apology for not having updated the podcast sooner.)

I was telling someone about my day and it was only then when I thought about what I was saying did it start to make sense. I really didn’t think I could do the things I wanted to do. I had this well of unarticulated anxiety. The Podcast, which was my pride and joy, had stalled. At first it was fairly effortless because people were lining up volunteering to be interviewed. I had hoped to supplement the interviews with shorter episodes featuring tips and ideas for video makers. To be honest I felt silly recording these solo pieces. I did one about YouTube Resolutions – essentially asking people what they wanted to achieve in terms of video creation in 2009. Its funny I got a lot of response from people inferring they had heard the podcast though nobody actually responded to the central question. Two weeks later I had some issues with my audio setup and after a day of frustration I took my piece on video syndication tool Tubemogul and turned it into a PDF document. This way the iTunes subscribers would still receive something in their feed.

I guess on some level I feel kind of stupid talking in an authorative way. I don’t know why exactly. I may not know everything on the subject of online video but my interactions with others have lead me to believe I know a lot, and a lot more than a lot of other people. People quiz me on different things all the time. Usually if I don’t know, I can find out. In 2009, my YouTube Resolution was going to be a testimony to what I thought was my own changing role within this community. One which was more technical in nature, one that offered support and knowledge to others within this community. There were going to be interviews and profiles and tips. I was determined to get the best experts I could find on various subjects I felt would interest my readers and listeners.

The ever-changing nature of YouTube though drives me nuts. Once I think I’ve gotten the technical details figured out, that I’ve got my workflow streamlined, they change a fundamental setting and my time is eaten up with technical concerns when they should’ve been devoted almost exclusively to creative ones. I appreciate that technology is change and that the site itself is evolving over time, but the issue really comes in the form of the complete lack of communication from the company. I used to think that people protested new features and changes at YouTube too much, but the truth is the YouTube company is in partnership with a lot of content creators – many of whom rely on the service as a primary or secondary source of income. Can you imagine what would happen on a movie set if the crew stopped communicating with the actors? YouTube isn’t the only game in town, infact it’s not even the best game in town. Its strength comes from its brand’s awareness and that a lot of people congregate there. As much as it frustrates me I am reluctant to jump ship. Certainly I have content on other video sharing sites, but it is still the heart of my operation. My friends are there. They consider themselves ‘YouTubers’ not video creators. Even the premise of the reworked JohnOfJordan website is more about that community than it is about me as an individual. I am emotionally invested.

And I realised that I had been flying much lower under the proverbial radar than I had previously anticipated. I resisted the urge to promote the podcast very much since I felt like I was still finding my feet. The other day I casually asked on Twitter if anyone was listening to it. I was dumbfounded by how many people didn’t know it existed. Despite talking about it constantly on Twitter, despite linking to it from within Facebook, despite even writing about, and linking to, it in a video description. (I joked to Rohan that nobody reads video descriptions but I am really beginning to think it’s true.) I wasn’t disappointed, I was just amazed that people didn’t know about it. Its time to step up marketing efforts. Its time to arrange more interviews. If I can’t bring YouTubers to the Podcast, I’ll bring the Podcast to YouTube… and 12seconds.tv and… other places too.

I want to connect with more people, but in ways that offer more immediate feedback. I was hoping to do a show at BlogTalkRadio but realised that it would require me to ring a US phone number just to host the show. (A potentially expensive proposition for an hour long show.) Non-live audio work has made lazy. There is no pressure to speak fluidly the first time since you can always go again. I want to put myself in a situation where I have to think on my feet. I am tempted to return to local community radio but part of me thinks this might be a distraction to my online aspirations. I would really like to host a regular BlogTV, Stickam or UStream show, but I am severely hampered by my internet speed.

I also wish I had someone to talk to on a regular basis about my efforts and my progress. I would love to think I wasn’t alone in my process. I’m sure knowing somebody will check on my status would be a great source of motivation too.

I know I haven’t been posting much lately. I don’t want to write one of those “I’ve been really busy, here’s why” posts but it might be helpful to try and collect my thoughts for a moment.

This won’t be a newsflash for any Australians, but it’s been extremely hot lately and this has impeded my desire to do much of anything (except, occassionally, retreat to the air conditioned library.) Parts of Australia – Melbourne, Adelaide and Launceston come to mind – have been experiencing temperatures of upwards of 40 degrees celsius. I don’t know how they cope, especially since power shortages have accompanied these weather patterns. My heart goes out to the poor people. Stay cool – both literally and metaphorically.

But even more than that I’ve been a bit preoccupied with some things that probably sound quite crazy. I guess I am a bit isolated and prone to overthinking things. Questions about human nature and the characteristics of the world have been weighing me down. I’ve noticed a lot of people in my life becoming very fickle lately. I’ve really felt like I’ve been micromanaging parts of my (if you’ll forgive the expression) “community.” I’ve grown increasingly envious of people who produce things and then just release them to the world without the time and energy consuming task of managing the reactions of others to those things, post-creation.

Technobabble and Tech Support

I feel, too, that I’ve been spreading myself too thinly. I’ve committed myself to projects that I did – and do – believe in, with extraordinarily talented people who I care about and want to support. However I’ve come to realise I have finite resources. I have to admit also that some of these initiatives were motivated merely by a desire to be liked by others, or to be associated with people more successful or talented than I regard myself.

I have a lot of technical knowledge. I’ve come to regard that as a strength. But I can’t be everybody’s “go to” technical guy. Nor do I want to. What I really want to do is help educate and empower individuals to take control of their own technology and use it to reach their goals. And I also want other people to be less dependent on me so I too can take control of my own digital destiny.

Future Plans

I have started a new YouTube account in the hopes of rediscovering the joy of video creation away from the constant gaze of subscribers. I am not ready to promote that profile, though if you find it, I always appreciate feedback. This seems counterintuitive on many levels since the JohnOfJordan account is part of the YouTube Partner program and this new account likely won’t ever be. But I’ve decided I need this outlet to rediscover my passion. It’s either this or put away the camera permanently… so I am hoping at least some of you can find a way to be patient with me during this process.

I am also going to unveil (hopefully some time in February) a brand new website. It is going to be a showcase of my talents, a collection of videos, photographs, and articles on specific topics. It is going to be my professional presence on the internet. I’ve worked hard to differentiate between JohnOfJordan and John Lacey. This isn’t motivated by some Clark Kent/Superman or Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana need for secrecy and privacy, just an expectation that different things will be of interest to different people.

So yeah… that’s where I am right now.

This probably isn’t a post so much as a collection of related anecdotes.

From Yahoo! With Love
In 2000 I was explaining to my room mate how to sign up for a Yahoo! email account. I distinctly remember saying to him, “You can either sign up with the Australian site and have an @yahoo.com.au account or you can sign up with the other site (@yahoo.com) and be international man of mystery!”

He looked at me for a moment and said, “But I am Australian!”

JohnSouthOfSydney
When I signed up to YouTube I adopted the moniker JohnOfJordan. People frequently ask about the origins of this name and I quickly feign for an explanation more interesting than ‘it popped into my head one day.’ John Of Jordan is John The Baptist or St. John in the Christian tradition. A remarkable stream of consciousness for someone who is patently non-religious. Even stranger still was that I found myself in a church bearing this character’s name a short while after joining.

Though it still begs the question: why John of Jordan? Why not JohnOfAustralia or JohnSouthofSydney?

When I started on YouTube there was no Australian version of the site. Indeed sightings of Australian YouTube users were sporadic beyond the handful who had already garnered a degree of fame (Caitlin Hill, Blunty3000, CommunityChannel, HughsNews, etc.). My friends were – and still are – predominantly American on that website. When I did happen to come across an Australian there, they were invariably doing culturally cringe worthy things like making odes to Vegemite or talking about Koalas. I didn’t want to fall into those traps. I wanted to be known as John, not John: Token Australian.

I guess it probably didn’t help that I adopted a fake American accent in my early videos. Or that I did promotional videos (again with fake accent) for a gathering in Mexico. Infact when I turned my hand to fake British accents, one individual wondered: “Why is it so hard for americans to do a remotely decent accent?”

When I made a video about my visit to The National Zoo and Aquarium, an American accused me of lying; he had been to the National Zoo, and that wasn’t it. Obviously we were talking about different nations.

Geographically Challenged: John comments on Facebook

NOWRA SHOWGROUND, NOW A HO GROUND
Microsoft Word spellcheck routinely suggested “Nowhere” as a substitute for my home town of “Nowra.” Certainly most of my contemporaries were inclined to agree with the Microsoft stance on the subject.

My friend Daniel recently remarked about the proliferation of anti-Nowra groups on Facebook. He identified the following groups. I’m sure they will give you an indication of the contempt felt for the place I live in.

• I escaped Nowra without spawning
  A group for anyone from Nowra whose friends all became breeders and townies after high school.
• Support Nowra Jail Now!!!
  Why ruin some nice town when you can dump it in Nowra?
• Bitch Please, You don’t scare me… I went to school in Nowra!
  This group is dedicated to those who went to school in Nowra and survived.
• The ‘I live in Nowra’ Support Group
  A Place where Nowra People that are able to read and write can come to meet, and ex-residance [sic] and those who may have visited… been forced to live in… or escaped alive from Nowra can share stories!

Ironically I’ve always loved this place. Both my hometown individually and the nation as a whole. But I’ve always felt compelled to try to identify as an individual first and foremost, rather than an Australian national. I don’t particularly want to represent cliched ideas regarding this country just because it might make me more entertaining or palatable to an international audience.

Obviously I’m a bad Australian.

]]> http://blog.johnlacey.net/national-identity/feed/ 4 http://blog.johnlacey.net/always-the-comedian/ http://blog.johnlacey.net/always-the-comedian/#comments Sat, 27 Sep 2008 05:36:00 +0000 admin http://blog.johnlacey.net/?p=317

What follows is a skype conversation… I include it here only because it amuses me to do so.

It is worth noting also that the picture that accompanies this post (visible only if viewed from the site) is a little old and that the two individuals pictured here are older – and, perhaps, wiser.

Rob returns from a recent excursion to Borneo. Something I haven’t heard anything about yet. lol

John Lacey says:

What are you going to do with the crayon [from the Canon Photo5 Photography Competition]?

Leuke says:

i was thinking drawing on the pavement
a bit boring
we’ll see
I’m waiting for something crazy and original to hit me

John Lacey says:

lol
Something crazy and original to hit you?
I’ll ring Rob…
*drumroll*


But On My Channel It’ll Be Awesome: Vintage Leuke and Rob

If you haven’t already, go subscribe to Rob (HalfScottishGuy) and Leuke (Killert00thbrush) on YouTube today!

]]> http://blog.johnlacey.net/always-the-comedian/feed/ 1 http://blog.johnlacey.net/fake-accents-create-interest/ http://blog.johnlacey.net/fake-accents-create-interest/#comments Sun, 07 Sep 2008 11:43:11 +0000 admin http://blog.johnlacey.net/?p=283

It has been said that there is no accounting for taste, but I would put to you, dear reader, that there is no accounting for – well, anything…

Regular readers might recall my frustration with YouTube. The longer I spend around the creature that is ‘YouTube’ the less I understand it. I mean, I understand the infrastructure. I understand the logistics. What I am more concerned about is my own contributions, my videos. They are (at times) very difficult to make and I want them to have meaning, and, hopefully, connect with people. Sometimes I’ll spend months working on a project to have it received by a completely nonplussed audience. And other times I’ll have a brain explosion, record something in real time with no editing, and people lap it up.

Nalts supposedly makes a video a day simply because he has no idea what is going to ‘stick.’ He also suggests that Good Content is Not Popular and that we should Screw the audience! Okay, I need to stop using Kevin’s blog to make me feel better about myself. We both have Louise Hay for that!

The point is while I have some idea of what I intend to make I never have any idea how it will be received. Which brings us to this…

Happy Fake British Accent Day is well – very silly. A completely made up cultural holiday brought to my attention by that most happy of time wasters, Facebook. I say silly things in bad accents which may or may not have any resemblance to our British friends. A day or two before I made the video I had been introduced to British YouTube personality Jerry Cooke (hence the random exclamations of “JERRY!” in the video). At the time I even suggested my other Australian friends might get in on the act and use it as the basis for a birthday collaboration for Mr. Cooke. They declined. (Only HalfScottishGuy got in on the act and even then it only appeared on his alternate channel.)

Oddly this video appears to have struck a cord with the people. It has become my 4th most viewed video. Five months after I uploaded it it still averages about 10 views per day. This is unheard of for me. I have a little over 500 subscribers, and typically whatever views my videos had received in the first 48 hours of being live was basically where that number would stay.

Comments are always fun.

crazyboyxx (1 month ago)
lived in england 25 years and never heard anyone remotely like that. Why is it so hard for americans to do a remotely decent accent? They all end up sounding like royalty from 200 years ago. There are literally hundreds of accents in britain so theres huge choice.

I’m not American. (I wonder what specifically made this person think I was?) I would wager its difficult for most people to emulate any accent. Furthermore, are there any recordings of royalty from 200 years ago? If not how do they know what the 200 year old British monarchs sound like?

Certainly there is a great width and depth variation of accents within Britain. Clearly I am not a trained actor. Perhaps people missed the word “FAKE” in the title? Perhaps they also missed the video description where I suggested a list of people with REAL British accents they could watch alternatively.

I imagine my penchant for antagonism probably doesn’t help.


]]> http://blog.johnlacey.net/fake-accents-create-interest/feed/ 4 http://blog.johnlacey.net/good-enough/ http://blog.johnlacey.net/good-enough/#comments Mon, 18 Aug 2008 02:13:03 +0000 admin http://blog.johnlacey.net/?p=263

From Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way:

“As blocked artists, we tend to criticize ourselves mercilessly. Even if we look like functioning artists to the world, we feel we never do enough and what we do isn’t right. We are victims of our own internalized perfectionist, a nasty internal and eternal critic, the Censor, who resides in our (left) brain and keeps up a constant stream of subversive remarks that are often disguised as the truth.”

I confess for all the things I produce – blog posts, videos, articles – for each one that sees the light of day there are scores that do not. Some don’t even get past the status of ‘idea.’ I confess also that I hadn’t really thought about how much I criticised myself until I found a way to put that criticism on the backburner.

I had been working on the JohnOfJordan website for months without making much progress. It shouldn’t have required that much effort. It was only set up as a way to bring my videos together with some other information and resources. The truth is I became bogged down in doubts. It was only after I stopped asking myself constantly “Is this good enough?” that I was able to achieve anything at all.

I care about the production values of things I produce, I want to maintain a high quality of work, but being critical doesn’t help realise this goal. Rather it just stops me from producing anything at all. Weeks go by without a single video being produced, despite a library of new and archival material. Blog posts remain “drafts” indefinitely. Some of my best ideas end up on a dusty “to do” (maybe one day) list.

I don’t want to do that any more.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is a place for revision and editing. I believe there is a time and place for scrunity. But it isn’t at the beginning of a creative process.

]]> http://blog.johnlacey.net/good-enough/feed/ 1 http://blog.johnlacey.net/thats-it-thats-all-there-is/ http://blog.johnlacey.net/thats-it-thats-all-there-is/#comments Wed, 13 Aug 2008 06:22:03 +0000 admin http://blog.johnlacey.net/?p=259

I had a bit of an emotional meltdown yesterday. It culminated in a car vlog – yes, remember those! – at 10pm last night. Something somebody said struck a cord with me and I couldn’t continue on the path I was headed. I suppose I knew long before then that I couldn’t continue; but it was a possibility I wasn’t then prepared to explore.

The truth is I reached a point where I had to make a decision. Whether I was going to choose somebody who had no interest in me, or whether I was going to choose myself. This morning I chose myself. This morning I decided I am all I have and if I can’t have the faith to invest in myself, what could I possibly have?

This morning it felt incredibly liberating, this line in the sand I have drawn. But later in the day it started to feel scary. The truth is I know I have made the right decision. I realise I have made the only decision I could make. And in a funny way for the first time in a long time I feel like I’m going to be okay.

Tomorrow I will pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Today, however, I intend to mourn a little, say goodbye to ideas in my head, and sleep a lot. It’ll be okay. Is it strange that I want to go listen to Joan Baez singing “We Shall Overcome” at this junction?

]]> http://blog.johnlacey.net/thats-it-thats-all-there-is/feed/ 0 http://blog.johnlacey.net/the-sad-clown/ http://blog.johnlacey.net/the-sad-clown/#comments Thu, 31 Jul 2008 08:53:47 +0000 admin http://blog.johnlacey.net/?p=255

I discovered today that the FiveAwesomeJs channel, that I was once a part of, has been closed. It has been two weeks since I last made a video. It feels longer. In fairness I was struck down pretty badly with a cold; I couldn’t speak, let alone make videos. The truth is that illness was only a recent development, there has been something else impeding the video making process. I think, more than anything, it is my own doubts. I don’t feel what I’ve been doing has been very good. Even around the illness I set up the camera no less than six times, spending time setting it up, positioning the tripod, adjusting the white balance… and then turning it off and putting it away.

It would be easy enough to just walk away from YouTube at this point, except that is something I don’t want to do. If I thought I could, I would’ve done it by now and I wouldn’t feel so conflicted.

When I signed up for YouTube it was as if I had joined a Clown academy. There were infinitely funny clowns, staging elaborate stunts with props. And then there was me – the sad clown – sitting in the corner attempting to mime out little observations about life. As much as I like to think there is value for what I do, I realise I am but a blip on the radar. Not that that should matter. It doesn’t matter. The truth is I just don’t feel worthy. I don’t feel worthy of YouTube. I feel like a fraud. And I shouldn’t. I’ve been here for a long time. I have achieved things. I have talents. I have creativity. I hope. lol

If I can convince myself to once more face up to the camera – and I’m going to try! – there will be a lot of changes to the format of The JohnOfJordan Channel. I want to call in some favours, too. It should be magical.

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