It is something I’ve been wondering for some time now… Does holding on to objects from people you ‘used to know’ keep you from being in the present moment? Does keeping a card from someone you once carried a torch for prevent you from being completely open to new romantic possibilities? Does hoarding letters from former friends and people you’ve drifted away from rob you of mental and emotional energies that might be better spent on your current friends?
I ask primarily because I have been cleaning up – and, infact, finding lots of things I scarcely remembered even existed. A few adorable love letters from someone I just drifted away from. We didn’t fight. One day we were friends, the next we just didn’t talk. I didn’t understand it then and I still don’t. It was such a nice gift to come across them though. These letters. Especially after the last two years which have been dogged in my psyche by the spectre of unrequited love. It excited me to realise that I had been loved. Suddenly it became possible because, infact, it had happened. I started remembering things from that time. It was nice. I want that again.
A whole array of letters and notes from high school, too. I had forgotten what a tumultuous time that was. I think I deliberately forgot what a trying time that was. I picked up each one and looked at it momentarily, deciding what it was. I didn’t care to read any of these. I decided if I couldn’t bring myself to read them, there was certainly no point in keeping them. I have a shoebox worth of conflict, dilemma and understanding waiting to meet the paper shredder. The prospect excites me to be honest. (And I’m not just talking about my recent infatuation with the paper shredder, although…) Its been almost ten years since I’ve left high school, it feels good to mindfully and symbolically bring that to an end.
I feel as though I should be bringing this entry to some majestic thoughtful conclusion. The truth is I have no conclusion. Just a general hope that perhaps there is an element of truth to be had in this notion, and by invoking the action I reap the presumed benefit. I mean I am cleaning and decluttering for other more obvious, practical reasons too. I am trying to get organised. I am trying to determine a structure and order to this room which is both my living quarters and workspace. I’ve often thought of this room as being a metaphor for my life. And I’ve always hoped if I could get it under control I could extend that ‘power’ to the rest of my existence. At any rate, I’d at least save time previously spent on figuring out where I left my car keys…
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I say let it go!
When I was preparing to move overseas and reduce my life to two suitcases I asked some hard questions. The result of which was essentially that if I didn’t use, look at, or call upon something on a somewhat regular basis (or see in the past six months), then I didn’t need to keep it. This even included my High School Yearbooks. Some may question my thought process of throwing those out, but I can honestly say that in the 20 years since graduation, I haven’t looked at those books once… and since I don’t keep in contact with anyone from those days and never intend to attend a Class Reunion, why weigh myself down with them? to think that the collective money that was wasted on 5 years of books (Grade 7-12)…
thanks so much for the comment on my blog – i really enjoyed reading your entry since we had similar experiences with nostalgia
letting go can feel so good, but i’ve been trying to be more careful about it because i’ve regretted some things i threw out.
that said, i think your reasoning is completely legitimate. i’ve been out of high school for 5 years, but i think in another 5 i will have experienced a great deal of growth and wonderful experiences that high school will have much less of a relevance