John Lacey

This, as much as I would like sometimes to pretend otherwise, is a personal blog. I cringe a little at the idea of a ‘personal blog,’ because some of the ones I’ve encountered have been, for me at least, cringeworthy. Pages of copied-and-pasted instant messenger conversations (with no obvious point) and inane memes. I’m not sure anyone needs to know what Sex & The City character I most resemble, or if I were a coloured crayon - which colour I would be. I like to think I deal with issues, important issues; though sometimes the issue is me.

The previous post was born out of considerable frustration. A few things had vexed me until such time I wrote what I did yesterday. The catalyst of the post was the phone call that never was. Well, at the time of posting it hadn’t happened. I did receive a phone call from the person I alluded to this afternoon, including an apology for not calling on the previous day. Now I happen to know that person reads this blog. I am not sure if the phone call was a direct result of that post. I considered removing the post, but, honestly, it was a moment in time and I still feel entitled to feel the way I did.

I grew up being scared to admit the way I felt a lot of the time. I was scared of being judged. I was equally scared of being disowned. The truth was I also learnt that keeping things bottled up inside drove me nuts. It was difficult to explain sudden mental explosions when I wasn’t prepared to address the issues behind them. Interestingly most of the teachers I had saw those moments as being out of character and, I guess, for the most part assumed I was suffering from stress.

The point is I learnt being honest was empowering, but more than that it was essential for my ability to function as a sane human being.

I spoke recently to YouTube user who disagreed vehemently with another YouTube user. I spoke to this person for a little while when they confessed they shouldn’t have to say they disagreed with that person, because somehow that meant they were ’stooping’ to their level.

Trying to please everyone all of the time doesn’t work. Believe me, I’ve tried. I confess I thought this person’s stance was bizarre. Were they never going to express an opinion for fear of offending someone? I genuinely think that might’ve been the plan.

The thing I enjoy about this medium is how it operates as a channel of communication between myself and others. I mean if I only wanted to hear my opinions, I could just start expressing my beliefs in my bathroom - the echo is brilliant in there.

The trick though to meaningful discussion is to stick to the issues. While it might be tempting in a moment of frustration to call someone a ‘moron’ (or assume that they are one) it won’t do anything to help either of you reach an understanding. And let me stress here I understand why people do that. I have so many friends who are hurt in a moment in such a way that all they can muster is a name of some description. Usually the best reasoned defenses for things, particularly on YouTube, come from a third party who may not be directly implicated in the discussion but who have friends who are. They come with a special kind of objectivity, but also a desire to defend those they care about. For example BNessel1973 is a heterosexual married man with children, who came to the difference of his gay friends in an offering titled, “Gay Marriage will raise gas prices!”

It is true (and frustrating) that some people aren’t interested in dialogue. ‘True Believers’ exist everywhere and it probably isn’t worth expending too much energy engaging certain people.

The point I would like to make is simply that sometimes I will say things other people won’t. But I try to do it in a way that concerns itself with the issues. I try to avoid making it personal. Sometimes this isn’t possible; I mean, I am human like anyone. But I like to think this is my default mode of operation.

I mean I’ve already tackled two of the three subjects in this blog that you’re not supposed to venture toward in the course of ‘polite’ dinner party conversation; politics and religion. I don’t think anything I said here was particularly offensive and I would like to thank the people who took the time to add their own contributions to these topics in the comment section.

Oh and in case you were wondering - the photograph, the sign - they’re real. Coward Street can be found in Mascot (a surburb of Sydney). At the corner of Coward Street and Botany Road, somewhat ironically, is where you can find Mascot Memorial Park (a war memorial).

Categories: Personal Universe
Tags: arguments, depression, emotions, features, honesty