Dating 101
It’s funny (though perhaps not ha ha) but I’ve always been hopelessly inept in the world of romantic relationships. Infact the final image in the title poem of my Smoke and Mirrors collection was about acknowledging this lack of knowledge and experience and throwing up my hands in the arm as if to say, “I’ve got nothing” and (for the time being at least) “I’m done!”
But that was then. This is now. It’s 2009 and I’m attempting to have a social life and a romantic existence. Of course I’m still completely out of my element and clueless as ever.
So I asked the people of the Internet for dating advice… It is interesting too because you start to get a feeling for what a large subject this is and how many different approaches there are to the practice.
One person suggested:
No sex until the third date… If there IS not sex on the third date, bail.
Another emphasised the importance of not talking too much and the value of listening. A third said to smile and pretend that you’re having a good time. The trick she explained was to notice when you were genuinely having a good time. Those were the people you need to see again. And of course many people dusted off that perennial piece of wisdom to ‘be yourself.’
Another person:
Have fun… remember it’s a date, not an engagement.
This is important in general and to me specifically. I am something of a hopeless romantic, I’ve been brought up on romantic fodder through movies and music and television and books. Companionship and commitment and other C words that will scare the casual observer are important to me. Sometimes I am blindsighted by just how important than are to me. Sometimes I forget that they aren’t as important to other people, that other people have different motivations and aspirations.
But if you project yourself too far into the future you do it at the cost of the present moment. That’s clearly not what this is about. You’ve got to enjoy the moment, enjoy the company and take this time to get to know yourself and the other person.
Do you have any dating tips? Seriously I need all the help I can get…
The most important tip in my opinion is that you won’t have a good relationship until you want one but don’t need one. A relationship is a context for enjoying a life together, so it works best when you have stuff going on in your lives to be able to enjoy together. Of course, just having the relationship can sometimes be a good motivating kick-start for everything else you need to enjoy it.
None of the above necessarily applies to good sex.