John Lacey Gets Personal

“I’ve been afraid of changing,” the Fleetwood Mac song goes “’cause I’ve built my world around you.”

I’ve been afraid of changing. I’ve been afraid of change; which seems incredibly ironic for an individual who was less-than-satisfied with the state of his life. I think the reason I was fearful of change – of changing – was because I was fearful more generally. I didn’t expect good things in my life. I was always scared of losing the things I currently had.

The truth is life is change. Growth is change. When you’re not changing and growing, you’re dying or stagnant. You need to let go of old things to make room for new things. Whether those things be tangible objects (the clutter in your home) or less tangible things (old ideas, beliefs, limitations, relationships).

One thing I’ve come to learn is that it is very difficult to gauge the importance of things in the moment. Friendships that seemed very important at the time tend to fade into insignificance in the larger narrative of a life. A friendship that seemed so vital in a moment may have been little more than a bridge to other friendships. (Some of my most important relationships were friends-of-friends or otherwise born out of the most unlikely sounding scenarios.)

I’m not going to pretend I can see into the future. I am not going to continue to second guess the flow of my life. I am going to choose to believe for myself that good things come into my life and that the most important relationships in my life will be maintained no matter what. But more than anything, I’m not going to ‘force’ things.

Sometimes things don’t work. Sometimes people grow apart. There is no malice there, just a more fundamental understanding that we are moving within different rhythms.

I know of at least two people who are currently ending long standing intimate relationships. Obviously there is a lot of emotion there. I would invite them both to think about this experience as a good experience, as the beginning of something better. Not because it is – because, frankly, short of spectacular divination abilities that isn’t something we can ascertain from this vantage point! But because it will put you into a better state, you will make better choices and have better thoughts – and, hopefully, be able to focus on a more important relationship; the one you with yourself.

[They may even wish to start by reading this article from Stepcase LifeHack: How To Love Yourself Even If No One Else Does.]

Finally, I choose to not feel threatened by the change and good of others. I choose instead to believe that there is plenty for all, including me, and to use them as powerful and positive examples of inspiration for attaining my own happiness.

Categories: Personal Universe
Tags: change, features, relationships